101 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Wake Up Remus
by Calsita
Summary: Remus doesn't like being awakened...and he especially doesn't like people stealing his Goosey.


A/N: Hem...hem...Remus loves his Floozy...  
  
A very groggy Remus Lupin rolled over, tawny hair falling in his eyes. The first thing he noticed was that Sirius was leaning over him, blue eyes lit up with some mischief Remus did NOT want a part in this early in the morning. After all, its very few straight men that like the feeling of waking up to Sirius starring down at them. A quick glance at the clock assured what he already knew; Sirius Black was a nasty bastard and he should have been beaten about the head and shoulders with a sharpened frying pan.  
  
"Hellooooooooooo, Remus!" Sirius crooned, tossing his head in a would-be flirting way if...if, well, they both weren't straight. Or Remus was. He always wondered about Sirius. One tends to wonder about someone who constantly sneaks into ones bed at night, complaining of his toes being so cold they turned blue, when this someone then whined at one about using too many blankets.  
  
"Sirius, what do you want and why can't James give it to you?" Remus muttered irritably. He did not approve of being woken up at 7:15 in the morning the day after the full moon, especially when it was a Saturday. A Saturday, for Quidditchs sakes!  
  
"Because, Jamsie-Waimsy" Sirius replied, flicking a bit of fluff off Remus' shoulder. "is busy-wusy."  
  
"So am I."  
  
"Doing what?"  
  
"Sleeping! That is what people do in beds, Sirius. Unlike you, the rest of us normal   
  
human beings use these bed-things to SLEEP. S-L-E-E-P. Sleep. Its what I should be doing, and what your preventing."  
  
Sirius threw back his head, pondering this. He went perfectly still. "Too bad."  
  
"What are you doing? Bearing your neck so I can bite it?" Remus snapped, leaving out the fact that he would very much like to if it shut Sirius up and allowed him to go back to sleep.  
  
"No. I'm starring at the cieling. Its odd looking." Sirius calmly explained.  
  
"Peter is probably clinging to it, hiding from your idiocy."  
  
"Can rats cling to ceilings upside down?" Sirius returned his eyes-and head-to Remus, looking eager.  
  
"I don't know. Go away." Remus gave Sirius a shove and watched as his friend tumbled backwards out of the bed and landed with a protesting thump on the floor. He   
  
leaned forward, yanked the curtains closed, and went back to sleep.  
  
Sirius looked up mischievously from the floor. His blue eyes narrowed to tiny slits. He stood up slowly, dusting himself off, and got into position.  
  
That was what James Potter walked in to. Sirius, in a karate fighting pose, his eyes shining determination, mouth wide open, screaming "YEEHAW, WOLF BOY!" before he dove through the curtains and into Remus.  
  
James starred for a moment. While it was not entirely un-Sirius like, and while he should have expected it, it still slightly startled him. It apparently also startled Remus, who shrieked and darted out of bed in nothing but his boxers.  
  
"SIRIUS BLACK YOU DAMN BAFFOON! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Remus yelled, wide eyed and apparently none too happy at the intrusion on his sleeping.  
  
"Enjoying how comfy your bed is." Sirius' voice replied. Remus starred in a mix of disbelief and anger at the bed. As he was about to speak, he heard a gentle snoring.  
  
"That...that..." Remus stammered, too angry to speak. You try being woken up by a hyper Sirius Black who steals your bed and seeing how aware of your vocabulary you are.  
  
"Use my bed." James offered. "I'd say his but there's probably something nasty in it, or he'd be there himself."  
  
"Thank you." Remus walked towards James bed but paused midway. "He's got my teddy bear!"  
  
"You sleep with a teddy bear?"  
  
Remus blanched. "I...mean..."  
  
"That's cute, Remmie." James cooed. "No wonder you don't bring girls to bed."  
  
"Shut up, James."  
  
"What's its name? Mr. Teddy? Boo? Cuddle-Wumpkins?"  
  
"Shut up, James."  
  
"Come on, tell me."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Telllll meeeeeeeeee."  
  
"Go to hell!"  
  
"If you tell me, okay!"  
  
Remus was very quiet as he muttered "Her name is Goosey."  
  
James starred. "...Goosey?"  
  
"Yes, Goosey." Remus' eyes narrowed. "Got a problem with my Goosey?"  
  
"Well...not many straight men name their teddies Goosey."  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING, BAMBI!?" Remus demanded.  
  
"Don't call me that!" James howled.   
  
"Don't insult Goosey!"  
  
It was silent for a moment, save for Sirius' happy snoring. Suddenly Peter ruined the akward moment by running in and screaming "THE GIRLS BATH SHOULD NOT BE LOCATED NEAR THE BOYS!"  
  
"What did you do?" Sirius, who was suddenly awake, asked, his head popping out from Remus' bed. "And Remus, why do you have a teddy bear?"  
  
"GIVE ME GOOSEY!" Remus screamed, snatching a very cuddly look teddy out from Sirius' hands. He held it-er, her, close to his chest, glaring at Sirius and muttering curses.  
  
"I..." Peter paused. "Why do you have a teddy bear, Remus?"  
  
"Stupid Blacks touching my Goosey...my very own...no body else's, nuh uh. Not when the nasty Black steals my bed and pillows and is a blanket hog, no, Goosey is still mine." Remus muttered.  
  
"Remus has severe separation anxiety from his teddy bear." James explained. "Its name is Goosey."  
  
"GOOSEY IS NOT AN IT!" Remus howled.  
  
"Sorry, sorry! Her name is Goosey." James amended.  
  
"Right." Peter nodded. "Well, anyway, as I was going to take a bath-"  
  
"You showered!?" Sirius seemed overjoyed.  
  
"Yes...or tried." Peter sighed. "I was walking and I walked into the bathroom. But...it was the wrong bathroom. And Moaning Myrtle is QUITE happy with me. It seems she uh...enjoyed the show..."  
  
"You flashed the ghost?" James asked with wide eyes.  
  
"Not on purpose!"  
  
"Peter, Peter, Peter." James sighed. "So you didn't shower?"  
  
"I was scared to try again!"  
  
Sirius hopped up and scurried over to a calendar on Peters bed. He marked off a day and counted up some orange dots. "Its been two weeks, Petey-Poo."  
  
"I know..." Peter sat on his bed and eyed Remus. "Is he okay?"  
  
Remus' eyes lifted from the ground and fixed Peter with an angry glare. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM GOOSEY, YOU HEAR ME!? SHE'S MINE! MY OWN!"  
  
"Yes, Remus." Sirius cooed, wrapping one arm around the werewolves shoulders and guiding him to the bed. "Come on, its sleepy time."  
  
"Sleep." Remus murmured. "Sleep with Goosey."  
  
"You can sleep with your Goose Floozy." Sirius said calmly.  
  
"GOOSEY ISN'T A FLOOZY!" Remus exploded. "DON'T INSULT GOOSEY!"  
  
"Sorry." Sirius pushed Remus onto the pillows and tucked him in. "Go to sleep, Remus." He turned back to James with a disapproving frown. "Look what you did, James."  
  
"Me? You woke him up with your yeehaw-ing!" James glared. "I am NOT taking the blame for Remus' new plunge into insanity. Its all your fault. You woke him up and stole   
  
his bed and his Floozy."  
  
"Goosey." Peter corrected.  
  
"Whatever, Goosey." James said irritably. "Sirius, your intent on driving Remus into the ground. Admit it."  
  
"I am not." Sirius replied thoughtfully. "I just like his attention."  
  
"Screaming at you to shut up and go away doesn't constitute as attention."  
  
"Does so."  
  
James sighed. "Sirius...your insane."  
  
Sirius stuck his tongue out. "If you'll excuse me, I have important business to   
  
attend to."  
  
"Such as?" James demanded.  
  
Sirius grinned wickedly. "Waking Remus up." 


End file.
